Thursday 25 January 2018

Hey You!

What happens in my mind? A lot!!! I wonder how can a tiny brain conceive so many thoughts and they run parallelly.. Vow.. Weird! So my experiment on 'Out of sight is Out of mind' with a certain person has failed miserably. While its true in some cases, its not true in case of people that touch you in a intense way.





Let me imagine that I'm writing this to him. of course, I can only do this now as I never spoke to him.. yeah ever! Well, to you I write..

Have you ever wondered that there is someone who admires you because you exist? This thought might have never occured to you but its true! I saw you few years back and thats it. I just saw you and really... I know nothing about you. I dont have any clue as to what kind of a person you are, what your likes and dislikes are, what you value, what you hate, how you react and respond.. Nothing! Yet I think about you because I saw you and I have a connection to you. I tried hard to understand and put my finger on it but I never could.

I'm actually ok not seeing you though I secretly hope to stumble upon you sometime. Would you remember me? Probably not because I'm nothing to you.. perhaps I've never existed for you. We did exchange looks here and there but I couldnt hope you felt the same connection.. wishful thinking!
After all these years of not seeing you and knowing that I may never see you or chance even an encounter with you.. its weird how I keep thinking about you.

But you know what.. I now have some courage. It may not be an awkward encounter for me anymore I hope. I would actually like to meet you and know more about why I feel the way I feel when it comes to you. Why is it that I cant get you out of my mind. Its not that you're constantly on my mind, that place is already filled by someone but you're there.. on and off.. why are you there is the question? who are you to me and what is our connection? I met so many people, I've seen so many people and why you have to be the one to have such a deep impression on my mind? I have so many questions. I assume you must think I'm super wierd if I ever met you and asked these questions... I dont exist to you.

If I ever get a chance to meet with you and strike a conversation.. I would really like to know you. I have been living with these questions for quite a while now.. it would be nice to get some answers and explore this connection. I believe everything happens for a reason and if I feel this strongly for you then you are connected to me at some level. I call out to universe to make this happen!


Thursday 20 February 2014

What is this....

Beautiful !!!

I couldnt contain the overwhelming thump of my heart when I came so close to him. I admired him from a distance all this time - never once crossing the boundaries I set up for myself. And to come so close to him - chance again - is just beyond words.

I could never bear him to look upon me - I think I just dont deserve a glance from him - He is just so beautiful. I feel so small... so pathetically inferior to him that I just want to bury myself before I could ever show myself and today ------ I stood so close to him... my world was spinning around me... my heart beat was elevated to the level that it could burst.... God knows how much effort it took just to stand there.

I'm still so cold.... so dampened by these emotions - I dont even know what they are.

What is this....

What is this.... Why does my heart flutter so much at just the thought of him. Since the day I saw him - he is not constantly on my mind - but he's never off the grid. I pray to God at every thought of him - to not let me face him. I love being a spectator to him as long as he doesnt know my existence. Is this what admiration is???? may be ... Am I a secret admirer? yeah may be... yet I make every effort to never cross paths with him. Sometimes I get lucky to just watch him from a distance - oh I could just sit and stare for an eternity if thats possible!

I'm still dazed - it was an hour ago... I'm still smiling... What is this....

I run away from the sheer thought of ever coming face to face with him - I may never utter a word. I still pray to God - fervently - never to cross our paths - I dont want him to ever know about my existence at all... but no thanks to chance - I got introducted to him. Something I was dreading since the moment I first saw him and it happens now... I pray to God that this be the last that we ever meet. This be the last ever we utter a word to each other.

You're right... I'm still dazed and I'm still smiling!!!

Wednesday 10 October 2012

Mythology... and my thoughts!!

Its amazing to know there are so many varied version of evolution of civilizations... Every civilization tends to proclaim its the oldest one. We indians are no less.. We say Indus Valley Civilization is the most ancient one. Its surprising how all the "so called ancient civilizations" have evolved near about the same time...

I have started reading the book called "The Krishna Key" by Ashwin Sanghi. Its a fiction based on Mahabharata and the recent findings that are out to prove that Dwaparayuga and the happenings are just not fictitious. There is a phrase which says...

"Lack of evidence does not mean lack of existence "

To the modern man this does not hold true always. We need evidence to know if something has really existed. I know many of us are interested to know if our spiritual history (the epics like Ramayana & Mahabharata) has existed or it is only confined to scriptures found.... Now the question is how do we know?


1. Through the scribes and the scriptures ( We dont have the time to invest on reading history)
2. Any remains of the history.... (we have scarcely found any...and of the found evidences, thanks to the scientists for denying any spiritual backgrounds to them eg: Ramasethu..the bridge between India - Srilanka called Adam's Bridge)
3. Waiting for someone to research on it (too many researches, too many hypotheses, result? "Ambiguity")

I feel that its time we tried taking sometime out to read our ancient scriptures and try knowing it for ourselves. Its difficult and ofcourse there's nothing you would gain out of it. But its for that interest's sake. Its for the satisfaction and true devotion to God, next time your join your hands in prayer.

More on this to follow in my next posts... signing off for now!!

Shweta Momula